I forget that I am indeed a talented writer sometime. Sometimes, when I want something so much, I lose perspective and focus too much on what I have yet to do. I know it's not like I have overwhelming accomplishments and accolades, but still, when I read my past writings, I'm reminded for why I write. Not simply because I like it, but more so because I like what I write and I think I am good at it. I think that's why I keep my blog. I'm really bad at keeping things that I've written in the past, I very much have a tendency to just delete files and start with a clean slate. As blogs become idle, I tend to delete them. I'm beginning to see how that's becoming a bad habit. My work, no matter how embarrassing or bad, is still my work. How can you reflect on how much you've grown, if you don't have your embarrassing awkward photos from the past to reflect on? I know I've grown a lot as a writer. My voice in my work used to be no more than just a whisper; now, it's a raging, self deprecating stream of consciousness that flows out of my mind, usually at the most inappropriate of times and places (much like diarrhea).
The point being is that I read my blog this morning, and I'm glad I did not shut it down. I know it's been sitting here, languishing upon its perch in the internets' cluttered grounds, its beady judging my laziness and lack of motivation. I read my past blogs, and found myself smiling at the puns and jokes I told. Sometimes, time grants you a perspective on the quality of things that you couldn't recognize and realize before. I found that it wasn't my genius that was lacking. It was I, who was lacking perspective to recognize my own genius. (and my love of writing in parenthesis about topics that are completely non-topical. Like porn. Or food. Or both.)
Ah. The struggle to create. The change. To grow. The infinite, daily struggle. I noticed that some of my blog posts have sounded like broken records in that aspect. But, in all honesty, it is a big part of my life right now. I mean its not like I got much else going on in my life currently.
I kissed a drunk girl on Friday night. I'm not sure if she knew what she was doing or if I knew what I was doing (I was likewise inebriated, yet reassured that I was making good decisions), but I knew I was in trouble when she asked if she could sit on my lap. I cringe when I think about it, I was random and unexpected and she's a little out of my league, but before I completely destroy my chances with self deprecating statement and recently rehashed insecurities, I'll just enjoy the moments for what it was and hope, just maybe something more will come of it.
I think I'll just leave it at that for now. I'm going to enjoy the rest of my day with a run since the breeze feel good as the sun kisses my skin. G'day, gentle readers.
